when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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