you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
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I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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