Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
