i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
