Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
