But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I need a beard to bite.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
