Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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