I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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