I need to stop coming to work sober
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
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I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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