i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
