Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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