I wish my penis had an off switch
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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