Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
