His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
