It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
