so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
