So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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