Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
