yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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