I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
