1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
