You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
