Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
