I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
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they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
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Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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