My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
