the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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