I wanna bring you to show and tell
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
