So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
