It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I deserve this hangover.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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