I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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