hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
