This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
