I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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