I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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