erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
