there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
