i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
