Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
