he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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