there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
