I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
one might say we're banned from that church
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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