Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
