Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
