I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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