Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
