she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
