Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
