yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
