he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
