I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
