Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
