dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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