kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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