He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret