On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
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He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?