when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month