ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
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Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
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Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.