I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.