living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.