My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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