There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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