she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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