just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i think i have two assholes
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
