This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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