I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
