before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
