she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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